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IS IT SEX OR INTIMACY FOR YOU?

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Do you really want to pretend it didn’t happen? I would rather be that old couple you see on your walk, holding hands, do you wish for that? I love the commercial with the young woman walking up to her prom date, dancing to some oldie but goodie song, and then it flashes to the next scene, and they are asking Alexa to play their song, and they are still dancing together in their house to that same old song. Don’t you want that type of intimacy because I do?

Today, it feels like those occurrences are likely to happen. Today, it feels like somebody has written the word “fool” on your forehead? Or, Please try me because you don’t have anything better to do with your time. You have to worry about what people are saying when they ask you for a cup of coffee, Netflix, and chill, or “F**K  you up. If you don’t know what these terms mean, please look them up in the urban dictionary.

Many of us want and are looking for that significant other. But with so many people wanting a round of deep, passionate sex or a good “f**k” with no strings attached, is it possible to find them. Is that really what you want? Look at your dating life, marriage life, or love life. What is it telling you? Today, people don’t take the time to get to know you. Being Friends with benefits can be fun, and it releases tensions to get yourself unclogged from time to time and less stressful. Maybe you are just not ready for something more. Perhaps you haven’t dealt with your past relationship issues. Or, you are career focus right now, and you don’t want something more. But there will be a time when you want something more than sex. You want that intimacy that develops between a man and a woman.

We know the first time you talk to someone or go out with someone, you speak to them again. Within the first month, you know if the person is worth continuing to get to know. We tend to waste our time because some of us are on the “I don’t like hurting people’s feelings” mindset that will date them until someone better comes along. Or until we get fed up with their crap and break it off.

Do you want something more? Do you want intimacy? You want people to see you—mind, body, and soul.

Most importantly, you want to be seen by yourself, your family, friends, colleagues, and partner. Intimacy is vital to mental health, and it provides the support a partner needs in a relationship. With certain mental disorders, intimacy aids in battling the symptoms.

There are five intimacy categories: experiential, intellectual, emotional, physical, and spiritual. Make sure you placed people in the correct category or no category because the connection needs to be severed.

Experiential intimacy is when people share experiences and bond while partaking in some activity together, for example, a mother and daughter cooking dinner together.

Emotional intimacy lets someone in your deep thoughts and feelings. They feel connected and close, understood, seen, and known.

Intellectual intimacy is like emotional intimacy, which shares one’s thoughts and feelings. Still, they are close enough to differ in opinion on a topic.

According to healthyplace.com, Physical intimacy is both sensual and sexual activity typically between two individuals, plus the sharing of reactions, thoughts, and emotions when involved in these activities.

Spiritual intimacy is a strong, deep connection that allows you and your partner to be their best selves in the belief of a higher power or through emotionally meaningful instants that makes them more connected.

Intimacy starts with you. Identify how intimate you are with yourself. Who are you, your likes and dislikes? What is your interest, hobbies, principles, and values? What type of woman or man do you like? What turns you on and what turns you off. What are your needs and wants?

We tend to neglect ourselves searching for our fairytale prince or princess and our happy ending because we don’t want to be the older woman or man living alone with many cats or dogs. God, no! Jane Austen states:

“It is not time or opportunity to determine intimacy—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.”

Whether you decide if you want sex or you want something a little more, you have to be honest with yourself. Are you the type of person that can handle being in a “friend with benefits” situation? If you are not, do not put yourself in that situation. If you find yourself in that situation and it’s not beneficial to you, let it go.

When I think about the many people I choose to deal with, I wish I didn’t waste my time. Don’t waste your time. Life is too short!

Why continue to waste your time. Is it wrong that we automatically assume that person can please us? Sometimes it’s good, and they can, and sometimes someone is left hanging. If we all are different, we all have different turn-ons; you’re just going to try the “D” out and see if it’s a hit or miss─Really?

If you want more, hold yourself in high regard. Be patient! Watch their actions and listen to what they say. Your intimacy is not for everyone because everyone is not deserving of it. Most of the time, we need to listen to our intuition.

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