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Self-help Blog


Have you ever realized you are self-sabotaging your road to success by holding yourself back and not taking steps to achieve your goals and dreams? And, be successful? When you look at your life, is it everything you dreamed of? Is there anything about your reality that you don’t like? You can make a move! Once you find out what you don’t like, you can work on changing that. Author Vironika Tugaleva states, “The most dangerous way we sabotage ourselves is by waiting for the perfect moment to begin. Nothing works perfectly the first time or the first fifty times. Everything has a learning curve. The beginning is just that – a beginning. Surrender your desire to do it flawlessly on the first try. It’s not possible. Learn to learn. Learn to fail. Learn to learn from failing.” Whether it is your personal life or business, you must adjust your mindset to accept failure, not run away from failure by not starting or starting over because things didn’t happen the way you wanted.

You have to acknowledge that:

  • The absence of vision over one’s life is seeing the flame before the spark. We all know that to start a fire, we need that spark first, and it hits two stones together until it sparks a flame. A person’s vision over one’s life is the spark that will motivate them to keep on going, and the flame is the goals you must set for yourself to succeed. It is that age-old question that we ask kids and adults, where do you see yourself in five years?
  • The inability to focus comes from many of us juggling being Superwoman or Superman. Multitasker multitasking often hinders us because we split our focus, and nothing gets completed. We must prioritize finishing first before jumping into another task or project.
  • The absence of willpower in a person shows their mental strength, and they may be unable to get through the struggles and failures that may occur on their road to success. To strengthen your willpower, which is a muscle, you need to use it consistently so that it can strengthen. Find positive ways to deal with stress, and your willpower will strengthen.
  • The need to please everyone will have you second-guessing yourself. Saying “Yes” always makes you lose focus on what is essential, your vision and your goals. If that person’s needs do not contribute to your vision in some way and don’t help you achieve your goals, don’t be afraid to say, “NO!” The train to success is not for everyone around you.
  • Fear is one of those obstacles that keep you at a standstill. It will limit you and stop your growth because you become too afraid to move. It puts you in a negative headspace, having you thinking about all the things that can go wrong instead of right. No one wants to fail, but without failure, there is no success. So, why stay fearful? Therefore, you must face, explore, accept, and rise above it.
  • Perfectionist is when you cannot move forward because you keep editing something repeatedly, trying to make it squeaky clean and altering yourself, trying to be something you are not. Being a perfectionist hinders you as well as fear does. Perfectionism is a distraction that makes you lose focus, dilutes your vision, and take away your willpower because you are trying to be someone you are not, which is perfect. You overthink things too much, taking things too far.
  • The acceptance of mediocrity in life is commonplace. Many of us have the I have a decent job, 401K, a roof over my head, and food in the refrigerator. We settle. But then, we suffer in silence as we wish we had taken the necessary step to accomplish our dream. It is not wrong to want a good job, 401k, etc., but you must ask yourself whether you want more out of your life. Does your current life what you envision for yourself? If the answer is no, you must act and change to have the life you envision.

Like you, I had many setbacks trying to be perfect‒the perfect person, the perfect businesswoman, the perfect writer, and to create the perfect business. No one is perfect. I know this, but I still strive for it like others. But what I was doing was hiding from judgment—negatively tearing myself down because I was not ideal. And all it did was keep me at a standstill. Sometimes you will make the wrong decisions because that is how we grow. We do not tell ourselves that growth is the lesson, the research, your mind working to solve a specific problem, and the implementation.

I am now attracted to getting over the hump! Perfect is not for me‒I embrace my flaws because it keeps me working on the best version. I gave up on myself. I kept running, hiding, stopping writing, and closing businesses I developed because they thought they had failed. But I have learned that success is a state of mind.

Everything will work out better for you. Still, you must actively figure out the problem, why it happened, and research solutions. I am guilty of keeping myself at a standstill because I did not understand the inner workings of success. I wrote two books and stopped because it was not perfect.

Our world is forever changing, and the people in it, us, are forever changing. So, your failures are the universe or God’s way of pushing us to figure out another way. We get stuck in the failure—we break down ourselves when we should be taking notes, taking a step back to get a more realistic view but getting back into the game. Our failures and successes collectively work together to carve out the type of person you are or the business you have. I want to be the kind of boss who continuously deals with and solves problems, and I do not want to be perfect and stuck, not evolving as a person.


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