WHOSE IN YOUR CIRCLE OF SUPPORT? HOW SUPPORTIVE ARE YOU?

Question! Who do you have to lean on for support?

How many times has someone talked you off the edge? Maybe you are two drinks or two words away from just losing it.

Are you the type of person who likes to be given straightforward advice without getting things sugarcoated? Or, you the kind of person that needs people watered down what they need to tell you. Or, are you the kind of person that wants family and friends to listen to you while you vent?

What is your breaking point? You cannot be afraid to tell your family or friends not tonight if you do not feel up to receiving or hearing what they have to say. Acknowledge that you come first. Your mental health comes first. A while ago, I had to tell a friend that I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say about her husband. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but I acknowledge that her trying to convince all her friends and me to like her husband wasn’t working and healthy. I know we are not supposed to judge people, but opinions get formed when you keep talking about your issues with your friends and family. You are responsible for what you say out your mouth. Therefore, what you say out of your mouth is always negative. What do you expect? Do you expect anybody to like your significant other? I acknowledge that I could not be her supportive friend regarding her and her husband’s issues. I wanted to stay out of that situation.

Understand that communication is vital when giving and receiving support. Sometimes the way you articulate things matters. We treat our friends and family members like trained professional therapists, but they are not. Half the time, when you talk to us, and you tell us everything wrong, all the negativity we are forming how fierce the curse out will be in our minds. Remember, we are human beings; choose your words wisely. Emotions are running high, buy a journal and work your feelings out with yourself first before running your mouth to your family or friend. When you calm down, you will probably be loving them again, and your friend or family member will be looking like a damn ass for interfering.

Honesty is another essential element for receiving and giving support. But to understand honesty, you have to know yourself. Some people think they want honesty until a situation happens and cannot deal with it. Some people underestimate people’s strength. So they choose to lie to them instead of being honest. I want people to be real with me, regardless of how painful it is. I understand the pain will pass, and I will get over whatever it is. However, I don’t particularly appreciate hurting someone’s feelings or desiring people to look at me negatively. So, I might bend the rules toward honesty in certain situations, but that is still an ineffective way of handling things. Other people’s negative opinions of you shouldn’t matter. It is none of your business. You are here to only deal with your business, not anyone else. Note: if someone asks for honesty, give them honesty. They are plenty of ways to be tactful. Practice them.

Like the beautiful Phylicia Rashad states, “There’s always something to suggest that you’ll never be who you wanted to be. Your choice is to take it or keep on moving.”

One way to keep moving is to acknowledge the areas you need help in within your life and work. We are not perfect, and we don’t know everything. Somethings we can figure out on our own, do a google search, read the books we need to read, etc., and other things we cannot because it’s too complicated or just not our area of expertise and we instead have a professional do it. I used to think that when you are running a business, you need to understand and comprehend everything. But that was childish of me to believe that. We might know how we want each department to function, but it takes a team to run a business. You need support professionals to help you on your journey to success.

It is good to be grateful for the help you receive and the help you don’t. Your want might be someone else’s blessing or your blessing. When you ask for help, and that person turns you down, for whatever reason, sometimes that need will force you to learn something new, or give someone else that been wanting do something different or more to update their skills.

Saying thank you shows gratitude. Sometimes that is all it takes.

What is your crisis plan? When you need support, you have to the people you intend to lean on, strengths and weaknesses. Just like you are trying to figure out yours, you need to know there’s, and their list will not be as detailed as yours. It is to handle who you can go to when you need support. For example, if one of your best friends is rude and disrespectful and is not the person you will go to when looking for a wingman.   

Everyone needs to know how much they can deal with, mainly since many barely survive. Some people are one check away from the homeless and one drink away from sinking into a depression. We all need to take care of ourselves, and Self-care is essential. Know you are there for you in your time of need and who is not. Rethink your circle.